Top 5 jokes of the week - Mr.69

#1 Husbands are husbands

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the Head with a frying pan.
"What was that for?" the man asked.
The wife replied "That was for the piece of paper with the name Julie on it that I found in your pants pocket".
The man then said "When I was at the races last week Julie was the name of the horse I bet on"
The wife apologized and went on with the housework.

Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on thehead with an even bigger frying pan, knocking himunconscious.
Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hitagain.
Wife replied. "Your horse called up !!!!"


#2 As the thief was leaving the house, the child woke up and said to the thief, " Take my School Bag too, else i'll wake up my mom....".


#3 Help Her With Her Plan

A grade 5 teacher one day asked the children in her class to make rhymes with their names.

First up was Dan. A very adventurous child.

My name is Dan,
When I grow up to be a man,
I want to go to India and Japan,
If I can, If I can, If I can.

“Very good”, the teacher said to Dan. She then asked Sally that it was now her turn.

My name is Sally,
When I grow up to be a lady,
I want to have a baby
If I can, if I can, if I can.

“That is good Sally,” the teacher said. “But maybe one day you will change your mind.”

Next up was Sunny. He was the naughty one in the class. Here is his rhyme:

My name is Sunny,
When I grow up to be a man,
Never mind India and Japan,
I’m gonna help Sally with her plan,
I know I can, I can, I can.


#4 Three answers most scared by men.. Typical girls...

1. (Whatever)
Men: What to have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why not we have steamboat?
Women: Don't want, eat steamboat later got pimples in my face
Men: Alright, why not we have Si Chuan cuisine
Women: Yesterday ate Si Chuan, today eat again?
Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood no good, later I got diarrhea
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women : Whatever..

2. (Anything)
Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching movie? Long time we didn't watch movie
Women: Watching movie no good, waste time only
Men: How about we play bowling, do some exercises?
Women: Exercise in such hot day? You not feel tire meh?
Men: Then find a café and have drink
Women: Drink coffee will affect my sleep
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: Anything

3. (You decide)
Men: Then we just go home
Women: You decide
Men: Let take bus, I will accompany you
Women: Bus is dirty and crowded. Don't want
Men: Ok we will take Taxi
Women: Not worth it... for such a short distance
Men: Alright, then we walk. Take a slow walk
Women: What to walk with empty stomach woh?
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's have dinner first
Women: Whatever...
Men: Eat what?
Women: Anything


#5 The Top 10 reasons why a handgun is better than a woman

• 10 - You can trade an old .44 for two new .22s.
• 9 - You can keep one handgun at home and have another for when you're on the road.
• 8 - If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
• 7 - Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a backup.
• 6 - Your handgun will stay with you even if you're out of ammo.
• 5 - A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
• 4 - Handguns function normally every day of the month.
• 3 - A handgun doesn't ask "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
• 2 - A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY THAT A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN . . . You can buy a silencer for a handgun.